This just in.

Experts now agree that fast food, excessive television watching and candy are all very instrumental in a child's proper development. The latest research suggests that the combination of these three activities boosts language development, fine motor skills, long term attachment with primary caregivers and lowers cholesterol. Additionally yelling at young children is, not only effective, but also boosts their sense of belonging and self worth. Children who grew up in homes that were never clean also showed increased immunity and performed better under stress.

Phew.

I am finally doing something right.